When I work with clients on a daily basis, I am often amazed at the amount of fear involved in showing emotion. Granted some people go the other way and get completely out of control with their emotions. However, many other people are completely out of touch with how they feel. You can tell someone in this situation because when you ask them the typical therapist question, “How did that happen that make you feel? “There will be a long pause. Uh… ummm… really, it is almost impossible for them to think of putting emotion into an event.
This process can be very frustrating when a person’s spouse tends to be very in tune with their emotions. They know exactly how they feel at all times. When inquiring about how their partner is feeling brings a blank stare, there can be a complete breakdown in communication. My common response to help an aggravated partner understand what’s going on inside your loved one’s heart is, “When he/she tells you they don’t know how it feels they’re telling the truth. They really are.” I don’t know How do they feel.”
The person doing the fillers usually responds to any situation that requires emotions in one or two ways. They will give you the only feeling our culture allows us to show: anger. However, anger is not the real emotion they feel. It is just the feelings that we are allowed to express openly. Anger is really about being hurt, not meeting expectations, or any other pain. If the person expressing your anger doesn’t openly show it, they will push the anger inward and do what they do well…
The problem is that fillers don’t stop the passion. Stuffed feelings are not buried. Really, stuffed emotions multiply. They get stronger and more powerful. Stuffing feelings in the long run will eventually cause your body to fall apart. You can only carry so many feelings inside. Soon your internal systems will begin to respond to the heavy load that you are forcing them to carry.
If you are a filler, please know that this information is coming your way via Providence. It’s time to take a step back and start finding new ways to identify and process your feelings. Feelings don’t have to be scary when you learn better ways to connect with them. Emotions are like the light on a car dashboard. They serve the purpose of telling you that “something under the hood” is being looked at. You can take the fuse out so the light doesn’t come on, but that doesn’t stop the damage to the interior that could happen if you were driving on the road ignoring the warning sign.
